God claims to own the sky - At A Quick Glance

Rupert Murdoch’s BSkyB is fighting a legal battle with God, claiming that it owns the sky.

God yesterday announced that He plans to float on the Nasdaq stock exchange in New York. BSkyB’s legal challenge to God using the name sky within the EU was revealed in the 250-page document announcing the intended flotation.

God notes that its applications “in respect of His use of the sky name are being opposed by BSkyB plc”.

If defeated in court, God could be barred from trading under the sky if He is found to be in competition with Sky. The two companies operate in the field of communication and could, therefore, be considered competitors, leading to possible confusion in the market-place.

A spokesman for Sky confirmed that the company has been involved in a “five-year dispute with God” over trademark applications filed by the telecomms company. These are, the spokesman added: “including, but not limited to, television-related goods and services.

“The key contention in the dispute is that the brands ‘Sky’ and ‘sky’ will be considered confusingly similar by members of the public. This was supported by consumer research conducted by Sky, and which was taken into account by the relevant authorities when they recently found in Sky’s favour.

Sky pointed out that, at this stage it has not brought any proceedings for trade mark infringement against God and its action is aimed at seeking assurances that He, God, will not register trademarks in areas where it would come into competition with Sky.

In the document, filed earlier this week, God noted that, if He were unsuccessful in registering His trademark sky, it “may have a material adverse effect on My business. Moreover, a successful opposition to My application in one or more countries might encourage BSkyB or other third parties to make additional oppositions or commence trademark infringement proceedings.”

The document also carried the warning that, if BSkyB were to pursue litigation, the defence could be “costly and time consuming even if we were ultimately to prevail.

“If God were not ultimately to prevail in any such litigation to prevent His use of the sky name or logo, He could be precluded from using the sky name or logo in one or more jurisdictions without obtaining a license from BSkyB or such other third parties, which license may not be available on commercially reasonable terms or at all, which could have a material adverse effect on His business.”

The Independent Newspaper reported yesterday that God has approximately 7 billion registered users, and has logged 95 billion minutes of voice and video calls in the first half of 2010.

A spokesman from God was unavailable for further comment yesterday.

Or read something slightly more original (sic) here.

Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill from the Hungry Ghosts. Flip Flop.

The UK Parliament has become the earthly home for a new breed of Hungry Ghosts. Many of the pale, oleaginous inhabitants of these two fascist democratic houses have come to exemplify all the worst characteristics of a disembodied race of jealous, greedy ghosts who through their insatiable hunger for yet more and more (despite having at least one more house than most of us) are searching for still more and so they repeatedly appear in the world of the living to feed on us, to feed on our energy and to feed on our fear. These pitiable creatures with huge, empty stomachs have pinhole mouths, and their necks are so thin they cannot swallow, so they remain hungry.

Introducing… the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill
Hi! This is an update from the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill team. On Wednesday, the Queen’s Speech confirmed that the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill will be part of the UK Police State's programme for this session of Parliament – the one that takes us to the next General Farce.
Today, the Bill is published. It is made up of the actions in the Digital Britain Final Report that need primary legislation. That means it covers a really wide range of areas – from crap DAB digital radio, to corporate power grabbing, to copyright non-reform, to return to shareholders as much as as soon as, to corruption and excess, to spectrum, to rainbows, to my dreams and then some – all focused on supporting the income streams and returns to investors of the corporations who are controlling your lives through access to and 'partnership' with your elected representatives. But it doesn’t deal with those things that didn’t need primary legislation, such as broadband and local newspapers. Ooh good. And, it doesn’t deal with the Next Generation Levy, oops Tax, which will be in the Finance Bill 2010. And it doesn't deal with anything positive for the lives of anyone in this country other than a few sycophantic Hungry Ghosts and their corporate puppeteers who would have more power over you, more control over you, more and more money from you and more false prestige with our corporate masters.

Stephen Timms introduces the Digital Ghost Bill (Office Location)
We think the Bill does some really important things, helping businesses to continue to exploit the web for their own money grabbing needs, Hungry Ghosts to introduce pretty much any law on the web that takes their fancy without asking anyone and consumers allowed to make the most of the ‘the few mass produced bits of media' that we will allow, in partnership with our corporate puppeteers’ – the creative industries will be able to continue with their outdated business models for a few more years yet, digital communications for many of you will be crippled and controlled to the extent that as citizens will be forced to become more and more secretive about your actions which will allow us to jail you under our repressive RIPA Part 3 law, and public service broadcasting will continue with repeats, oblivious to what is going on around them because we pretty much have the whip hand. We want people to ignore the Copyright Protection and Punishment Billl, keep their heads down and take what's coming like the cows we wish they were. Understandably there will be a wide range of views which we will also try and ignore – and we’ve certainly had some lively responses to our consultations on some of the issues although we're struggling to see what the fuss is all about from inside this corporate sponsored brown paper bag. There has already been a lot of truth spoken over what the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill is all about – it’s more than just unlawful file sharing and regional news but we'd really rather you didn't look too closely.

So how can we answer your questions on the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill? Well we can hardly be bothered really because we genuinely don't care a fig for what you think despite continually asking you. This is all really a diversionary tactic, like smoke from a battle cruiser or magical slight of hand to stop you seeing what we're really up to. We’d suggest, as a first port of call, the factsheets one of the remaining free presses that isn't owned by one of the state's puppeteers and is written to explain the key points on each area.
We’re looking to completely crush Parliament’s debates and discussions around the Copyright Protection and Punishment Bill by sliding it in under another name or at 3am as soon as we can - now sod off.
(Or read the official twaddle.)

Are you angry yet?